hello, I have recently experienced separation as you described, i.e. I was
so caught up in my extreme grief, anger, regret etc as I experienced the
death of two very important people in my life in 2 months, a best friend
and my first husband ( an aggressive alcoholic), father of my children. At
the same time with the last death, my ex-husband, my adult son turned on me
in a nasty cruel way as he went through his own grief at the loss of a
father he had been estranged from for many years prior to his recent death.
I tell you this only to now say. In these circumstances I simply wasn't
strong enough to not feel separate. Is grief in these circumstances normal,
natural?I reached out to friends and they helped me. I feel like you are
saying I have to be always connected, always present, always in "being". I
simply am not strong enough and doubt I ever will be. I don't want to
feel bad or weak about this... I struggle enough... I cant always be in
joy. or whatever it can be called... I am tired of the struggle to be.
+JasonJGallantthank you. I understand a little more of what you are saying. I am too caught in the strong (but as you say legitimate in the circumstance) feelings I am going through. I think I will give myself a chance to work through these, embrace them as beautiful and healthy feelings letting them pass through, over and into me, letting them take their natural course, just letting go and letting it happen. Thank you. I think that now I can cry and grieve fully and properly which I have found difficult until now... thanks again.
+maria fresta serving separation means to "push away" your grief. Feeling grief or whatever else is fine, good, and encouraged. Perpetuating it through compensation of some sort is what you should not do if you wish to organically move through the myriad of emotions and feelings like a storm while still finding the center. Feeling what is here and now is different than creating feelings and thoughts to cover up what is here. I'm speaking about not resisting what is here. I'm NOT speaking about creating some falsehood, like smiling like an idiot to pretend you're happy. There is no struggle to be. Being just is. Nothing is required. The struggle only happens when you are thinking that everything should be different than what it is and you resist what is here and now. Everything IS joy, including your grief. The joy I'm speaking about is the space experienced through all things. Through all experiences in life. At some point it would be good if you could do a session so that we can iron out any misunderstandings you are having. :)I say in the video, "Separation comes to you in the form of discomfort." To elaborate further, it is the "discomfort with your discomfort" that is the problem, not discomfort itself. You see, when you resist grief, you are actually trying to separate from yourself by pushing away your inner experiences. This is like trying to push away a wind storm. It is only through surrender to the eventuality of the movement of the energy will things begin to harmonize. On a spiritual level, it is the drama of energy through the expansion of yourself. What I'm pointing you towards in the video, is that people make the avoidance of their discomfort their highest priority, therefore never becoming one with anything, especially their internal process. Being human is the correct course of action and by no means is falsely creating artificial happiness in the mind anything close to truth. Truth is what we are after on this path, not avoidance or creating illusion.
Dear Jason,
This video has been a challenge for me. I'm lost. When we block or move
away from those who are we are so different to ie as you say you block the
messages on Youtube as you know there is no reasoning : my dilemma is that
I am now in the car with all the doors locked. The concept of being no
longer afraid of the discomfort leads me back to thoughts of trying to
connect with those who I am alien too. This brings up thoughts of
judgement. We judge that which we don't align with. I keep hearing you say
from a previous video about 'not trying to be friends with a lion who will
bite your head off '. I want to reconnect with the world and people. How?
All help welcome. Best wishes
+Rose I never said to be friends with a lion. I said to accept its nature and act accordingly. I've said you are not your thoughts. If you're suffering, then discard the thoughts that are leading you to suffering. That simple. I also said that there are different types of discomfort, the one where your leg is in a vice, and the type that you carry with you everywhere you go. The type that you carry with you, is MADE by you. Get free of that by not believing it, and then see what issue arises. You might want to think about doing a session with me, this way I can clear your misunderstandings up.You also have to remember that I'm speaking about how you hold yourself INTERNALLY. I don't care whether you are in the same physical vicinity of a person or not.
Hi Jason. I am a certified yoga instructor and a nurse. I am doing PhD
study with the aim of exploring culturally acceptable mindfulness programs
for minorities in urban communities. I have been practicing yoga for about
17 years. I need data on those who think yoga or chanting is evil to aid in
proving that work needs to be done in order for yoga and meditative and
chanting practices to be acceptable. It's much more involved then this, but
for brevity, I will stop here. Can you give me the contacts for the people
who believe in duality before you block or delete their comments so I can
interview or speak to them? If no, I understand. I still like following
you.
+Karla H Sorry, I don't keep in relationship with them, but if you wish to find them, they are easy enough. lol. Just go onto any religious video and start spouting techniques from a different one. You'll get a firsthand look at some fanatical points of view. I try to teach as many different techniques from different ways of life that point to the same truth, but it seems there are those that feel there is only their way. lol. Good luck with your study.
Thank you. This does make sense; It's something to process. A lot of what
you say reminds me of the Lao-Tzu, and things like it, which I've studied
in the past. And I believe these teachings are (slowly ) becoming clear to
me, and you and your videos have helped :). . . There is a beautiful truth
what you believe, it almost stings.
p.s. You mentioned a teacher, what do mean? How do I find one? Or can I
simply continue reading books on the subject, and that be sufficient? Thank
you again!
haha! Oh, I know that :) But how do I find one in person? You suggested this to me in our last conversation. Like, some go to a Rabbi, or a Priest, or a High Priestess etc. for a particular teaching. Where do I find a Teacher?
Keep surrendering to the emotions that come up, breathing through it, and also surrendering the need to be heard, the need to be loved. After all, who you are IS love. The realization of that will free you from the need for it from other sources. :)
+JasonJGallant Thank you Jason. What really stands out from this is freedom from living a lie ;we can no longer play the role of politeness and anger being a catalyst for change. Being suppressed for a long time and violence being the side effect. Yes, absolutely. Powerful message. A lot to take in and absorb. Freedom without judgement to feel the anger and to not be afraid of my anger. Tried to let off steam before work after reading this and speak out and feel my anger - bit scary. In a way I then felt more angry as I left for work. Have been trying to breathe through the anger through the day and not self reject or judge myself for being/feeling angry and agitated. Tonight sitting with the anger and breathing to calm. Its almost like Im looking for validation and the need for being heard. I have a great deal of anger, but underneath it is hurt and sadness. Thank you Jason.
+BOMBama Wow this is helpful. I mirror the 'father' issues too. I will be studying yours and Jason's responses quietly. Just got home from work. Thank you both so much for your time and care in responding. It means a lot. I shall unpack your advice slowly and carefully. Warmest wishes.
I had that issue towards my dad for a few years because of a lot of pain his actions caused in the family while I was growing up. I had anger & frustration that I couldn' express because of my self-image as the "good guy". Unexpressed feelings can cause a lot of unbalance, anxiety, fear and worry so find a way or someone you can talk with. I still don't talk to my dad anymore but I don't hold any anger to him and have decided to let him be as such. I just don't want to be involved in his own created drama.I recently feel like "I'm the boss in town" and when I go out I don't have much of social anxiety or worry.And I noticed this change on me the moment I decided on a few things:1) Say whatever I must say but ALWAYS do what is RIGHT. This is super important and gives me a lot of freedom from the wounded self-image.2) See yourself like this: "I run a hosting company, I'm a host of love".3) Have compassion first & foremost. Everybody just like you, has their pains & wounds which they try to hide just like you. In order to keep up with their pain, often people might do things they know are not RIGHT. And you can not judge or hate on this. They just don't know better and they continue to hurt themselves just like that. Have compassion for them & let go whenever you can.4) Don't judge yourself because there is no self really. If you think there is a "self-image" to protect, then that means there are 7 billion+ self-images of people and you can't take yours as absolute. Lol, how ridiculous is that.5) Whenever there is an opportunity to do fun things that challenge your self-image, take them. You will see that self image is just an illusion, a societal narrative to keep you in a prison of the mind. A few days ago me and my friend went at a new store celebration party wearing wigs and had lots of fun with people taking pictures with us and other fun people in the roads having a good-healthy laugh ;) A few years ago I used to take myself so seriously, I could never do things like that & had a lot of anxiety.6) You are going to die one day so you may as well ENJOY YOUR FREEDOM. Live & let live. The freedom of others is freedom of you. 7) Understand that because the mind is like a memory machine and a thought generator machine, it often will give you negative thoughts, worries, anxiety, bad judgments, anger, shame etc. This is normal because if you used to be angry for a long time, the mind learned to play (and replay) that pattern. Have compassion for it too and treat those thoughts as you would treat a bratty little sister - with playfulness & banter. You're the gentlemen in town and your mind is just testing you, giving you a hard time sometimes but your mind loves you as well so love the testing and have compassion for it but don't listen too much to the bad things your mind may produce. Always do what is RIGHT. Your mind will thank you for that ad will slowly change and become your partner ;)There's nothing right or wrong with your past or perceived wounds but now you have a higher understanding and you can lean on to life flow and lower your learned resistance to everything (even anger).All suffering comes from not accepting what IS, for wanting the reality to change in an instant - which is not being in the moment, not enjoying the fact that you can choose to detach yourself from that suffering or other people's unnecessary drama.
+Rose find a way to channel it. Exercise is good. Being in a room by yourself and expressing it fine as well. :) There's really no right and wrong, it's just that if you can let some of the steam out of the valve first before interacting with people, then the chance of a more balanced expression is possible. The sterility of our interactions in the west have caused a suppression, and when the suppression goes on long enough (we can no longer play the role of politeness) the energy bursts forth, and sometimes violence is the side effect. Conflict and violence are not the same thing. Conflict can happen, things can be said, feelings can be hurt, but in the end if honesty is what comes out, freedom for anyone involved can be the side effect. Freedom from living a lie. If you can express anger without putting yourself or others in danger, AND you can be with the results without causing more suffering in yourself, then conflict is not something to be avoided. Anger can be a powerful catalyst for change.