How to love someone with npd Videos

You really miss the point that many children REFUSE to please the Narcissistic parent - I was the favorite and knowingly quit - and knowingly bore the consequences. You are saying the targeted kid just hasn't figured it out - rethink.

Sorry what does EMM or MM mean?...and, can a malignant narcissist also be co-dependant on his spouse? Bit confused here. Thanks.

Here is an OPPOSITE view: The Trophy Child, is the more damaged one,than the WILLFUL one. And here is why: The Trophy Child is ONLY loved as an "object." As a performer of outside behaviors, pleasing the parents. It is, therefore, a false love, which, the Trophy child feels; "If I don't get the good grades, I will not be loved." And so, grows up, not ever having a sense of connection to a True Self. Whereas, the Willful Child, though suffering from not being the favored one ( of two siblings let's say)... at LEAST has a "will." ie. HAS a sense of self. A sense of "I am me. Not what you want "me" to be. That is NOT me." The Trophy Child has no self, in this regard. And THAT is where Narcissistic Personality Disorder kicks in -- the purpose of which, is to CREATE a "Self." But, since it is a "False Self"... it is in the realm of "Narcissism."

Are all narcissists good looking and charming? 

I was terribly abused by my narcis mother from a very young age.. I began fighting against her when I was a teenager. but I didn't know the world to be any better and I did feel cut off... My sister was the willful who teamed up with her against me.. my dad so hurt n down not in the picture.. I'm 22 trying to recover but I'm so out of love and all the feelings of it. my innocence, emotions, and my intimacy were all thoroughly violated by my disgusting mother

Dr. Ross, what I just watched in this video described my entire life without skipping a single beat. I'm 33 and my parents treated exactly what you described. and I carry the difficulty, pain, and everything you described. I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal. The way I cope is by staying stimulated by working or "keeping myself busy." I just recently got laid off from my job and I haven't been busy. Then my mind have been thinking of negative thoughts, because working was my only way of coping. So I knew something was wrong with me. I recently made an appointment to see a therapist. But I ran in to your video and my jaw dropped. You described my whole life in 6 minutes. My only question is how to I take care of this so I can feel normal again. I'll do whatever it takes.

Hi Ross, interesting lecture! I just have a couple questions: 1. What are your thoughts on children developing narcissism or narcissistic traits as a result of being idealized? 2. Do you think that narcissism can be developed from having role models who are egocentric or narcissistic? Thanks!

I believe in God and Jesus Christ , i love the Jews also.

Narcissists inflict unimaginable terror upon their children. Narcissists hate other human beings, especially their children, because of their potential.

Who isn't a narcissist? Seriously? In a society where individualism is a core value, where "care less for others" is an acceptable and often praised, narcissism develops. As a consequence, you have people who see everything as potential exploits. Cheers

...I just want to tell you also, thank you for taking the time to make these videos. I appreciate it from the bottom of my heart.

Have you ever felt that everyone is a narcissist? I think they are, others are just better at getting what they want or do so in a more sophisticated pleasant way than we, the love starved, can manage to. They know what they want and how to get it because they were raised by parents who modeled these things for them. We weren't raised knowing what real love and acceptance is and therefore what exactly it is to work towards. We aren't bad people, we're just broken mirrors. People get mad because we take what they give us, but don't know how to reflect it back properly, it doesn't mean we don't care, appreciate, or want to give back; their own base narcissistic nature begins to show when dealing with a chronic narcissist, (someone who has never known love) they don't like how ugly and unloved they all of a sudden feel around us, It's unusual to them, and since every narcissist needs someone to blame, we become the bad guys, they bounce back and we are again abandoned.

How can a narcissist be healed, when he is ego syntonic? I have been with a narcisstist for the last two years and have suffered a lot. Especially as I am trained in psychology and had a lot of self experience all my life, I found myself dependent and unfree. It made me furious, very angry, to lose control over my life. "My Narcissist" is from an arab country, also. In those cultures men are being raised as narcissists. Abuse is daily routine. Healthy communication is totally alien to him, as well es being empathic towards himself or others, especially women. Women are there to serve the men, to please them, to dress for them etc. It is a narcissistic culture. I tried to seperate from him so many times, but he came back and made it plausible to me that there was hope for change. But there wasn't. He just knew exactly what to say, being totally hollow inside of him at the same time. His words and deeds were never aligned or in harmony. I am a deep person, but he was shallow. No conversation was possible, without ending up in fights and ignoring each other for days. For him I was "the professor", who had to be devaluated for the intelligence and positivity. He seemed to be driven by a dark force, that was eager to kill everything that was good in a person: laughter, joy, creativity, compassion, hope, confidence, trust. I had the feeling of being trapped and seduced by the personified evil. I can feel the energy behind words very well. And I never felt genuine compassion or love behind any of his words. When he said "We will find a solution" I didn't feel hope. I felt just pain, because there was no genuine energy reaching my heart. I knew I couldn't heal him. And I knew there was no way to fill the lack inside of him. One time I put his hand onto his heart and said "There is the love you seek." - hoping he would feel the effect that it can create to get in touch with oneself. I felt like a butterfly in a spider web. I couldn't free myself. I also had dreams of this scenario. It was a time full of uncertainty and pain, loss and tears, drama, lies, no hope for a future together in the face of his ups and downs, manic and depression episodes. He was in control of proximity and distance, I was left behind with irritation... And on the other side I never felt so coveted. I will never forget his warm hugs and his soothing voice. He had the most beautiful lips and hands I have ever seen. But he hurt me so deeply and he was never truly available for me and my needs. That made me really sick. I am now seperated and blocked his numbers on all of my phones. I hope this will save me from any further violation.

my brother hates me so much..he would love to go to my funeral as soon as possible..he would love to see me murdered cause he can't do it himself..I dared to become an american and leave islam , the only religion allah sent to humanity..! so I'm a traitor and not worthy of this life..he makes my life hell and put me in a small box...his energy is so negative and distractive to me ...it's exhausting ..!

Dr Vakin: If memory serves me correctly (and I have a disease/symptoms cause "varied short-term memory loss", so I apologize if I'm mistaken, I seem to recall that you mentioned you were also OCD - ? If so - do you believe that could be a factor with the "Love-feeling" frustration you discuss herr? Please, also - if you see this and have time, address the female Narcissist in this contex - (My young sister is Narcissistic. - yet to be EVER diagnosed - I however was a student if Sociology/Psychology - and just for understanding the point Journalusm and History (Majors/Majors and Minors) - then - professional applied experience (children/adolescents primarily), and an outstanding team of peers and research/outcome studies with our treatment plans/program. Be that as it may - "I can't see well inside my own fishbowl" - which includes - my family-or maybe my denial - My sister is cleary a Narcissist (dad was as well. The one above me is a CLASSIC TEXTBOOK SOCIOPATH (I clearly define Sociopath - as an Adult Manipulative Bully that meets ALL THE STANDARD CRITERIA as I consider a Psycopath - a sad result of genetics and a risk for potential of multiple bodies. For the point of this, I beg your indulgence, should you disagree eith my definitions. Now - little sister - a born Lesbian - and never an issue with her sexuality from a family member. Dp you feel that this female case and others fall in a different "reaction" category. Because - SHE IS THE MOST NEEDY AND CONSTANT POSITIVE PRAISE COMMENT NECESSARY - INDIVIDUAL - I'VE KNOWN - +/- the curve. She had one long term partner that was tragically loss in an auto accident - other than that - all her relationships are temporary - and less as she ages. She is an alcoholic and durning daily drinking episodes - she goes fro kind and appearing normal TO The Most selfish, self-centeted, arrogant BITCH and is so Jekyll/Hyde - has been for YEARS. Dad did too - but didn't drink daily. And she demands I say "Love You" when she's departing or calls at bedtime. This is an interesting case - I am 8 yrs her senior - was the primary caretaker - (mom and dad wete work-aholics and not discliplined parents - divorced - and I took care lil sis and the home (I was a popular/active in school/Band/Cheerleading/Homecoming Court - overachiever - maybe she is angry w me??? But I'm think SHE WANTS EVERYONE TP LIKE/LOVE HER - COURSE ONCE SHE GETS THAT - SHE DESTROYS IT - SHE IS NOT OCD - "I AM TERRIBLE OCD"! Thank you sir and apologies for "the story" - Journalism ;-) Thank you so - for your work and gifts of understanding! P.S. YOUR WIFE --- A SAINT!!!

in highschool i called my mother from boarding school because i realized i hadn't told her or been told by her i love you in so long i couldn't remember. when i said "i just called because i want to tell you i love you" , her instantaneous response was "STOP IT… STOP IT KAREN"…. in other words, I AGREE!!! AND YET, decades later when i BEGGED her on the phone to tell me she doesn't love me… i BEGGED!!!!!! TO BE let off the hook, she refused. TOTAL selfishness. love to all you children of narcissists like me… it won't WORK!!!!!!! ACCEPT the disorder. it isn't YOU!!!!

I am curious? You seem like you understand my condition very well but there seems to be an element of hatred to your videos. I have watched many of them and you are incredibly accurate but seem to show no compassion to the person suffering from this condition. You and I are aware of the impact those of us with this condition have on those around us but you don't seem to care about us. We didn't wish this upon ourselves. So are your videos only for the people we have an affect on or do you care about us too Sam? 

Thank you!

I agree with Annemarie You described the N that I was with to a T.I was only with him for a year and a half and I can honestly say nothing in my adult life has dammaged me like that experience. After he degraded and discarded me the final time. - I was having incredible disabling symptoms I also felt like I was left with the enemy.... me - because a part of me knew the whole time there was something terribly wrong , but I took the candy so to speak " Here little girl have some candy " between the abuse he would put out the so called candy and I became addicted and could not say no evern though time and time again it would mean more and increasingly more cruel abuse.. I have been in no contact for 9 months and am just starting to get myself on my feet - I am sick of needing to educate therapists about the devistating effect of these relationships and would really love to learn of someone who might help me to heal the underlying trauma that influenced me to become so easily conditioned to ignore my self loving instincts .I know its about loving and caring for my self and about identifying and grieving the original wounds but am unsure how to go about doing that . .Thank God I am out. I need lots of help to pick up the pieces and to love those pieces and forgive them and have faith they will come back together in a more integrated and strong version of the lovely women who mistakenly entered this nightmare and she was lovely ...once. God bless you . Margie

Oh Melanie, you just told my story. Thank you covering this specific narcissist. .

You couldn't have expressed it more clearly! Thank you. x

oh my goodness i so get what your saying...finally its sinking into my head.thank you melanie x

This is a spot on ......thank you

Absolutely spot on Mel and 100% my experience. Thank God for NARP. Great recovery is mine! God bless you.