Attachment disorder anxious Videos

Hi, I wonder where all the other solidaric people have gone to...maybe they also felt fooled in a way by that extremely boring maccaroni video. I mean, definitely you are not obliged to entertain us with your self-analysis, but ...since that was what we could relate to, noodles I can eat alone - Anyway, I guess I have experienced a lot of stuff like this, and, what to say, shortly? One, when I was for example in a group of friends, but I didn't know all of them so well and was getting afraid about my behaviour or somebody disliking me, or how to interpretate things, I used to ask my really close friend if she was with me, and she would reassure me, mostly, or give me some advice or explanation. (maybe this sounds as if I couldn't think for myself, but she was older than me and knew the situation and people better, so it made sense). I think you can open up and talk about these things, if you feel like it, it just: shouldn't be the wrong people, it shouldn't be too early or the wrong moment, and, even if it's good friends who like you(me, anybody) very much, they can get fed up with it, so it's always a balance to keep and to check how it is with them, somehow, -that I find hard, unluckily, as I said above: since I often had this "paranoia" it might happen, that by ignoring my fears (because I think they are just imaginary..not founded,grounded. based on anything real) I might also misbehave without noticing...so I think it's nice to be able to be open and get feed back in time. I don't know if I make myself clear. "Pseudo buddhist bullshit" - I don't think I want to go into all of this here, especially because it would take me too long in writing, I am not a very educated person in ..religious topics...if you call it that, but I have had inclinations, and some years ago I was deeply in love with somebody who lived far away and was tied up somewhere else and who I believed love me, too. I was very happy for our love, even if it was so little time, but what happened later was, that when I missed him and he didn't have time, he didn't comfort me, but tell me, kind of, I should meditate, do this mindfulness stuff, then I wouldn't have a problem, and that if I felt hurt and so , if was only the ego. That he didn't miss people (because: if you live in the moment only, what should you miss..? ) That time doesn't exist, that we're all one and don't exist as single persons (or shouldn't at least feel so much like that, if we kill the ego we don't have to feel lonely or abuse or anything, I suppose) and he also proclaimed it was okay, if he said and did totally contradicting things all the time. Because of constant change, he wasn't the same person today like yesterday, so why should he be "nailed down" on what he said then? And that the mind (thinking) anyway doesn't get close to the truth at all, logic and contradictions etc. he didn't consider important,valid (at least not in these our discussions) and also feelings (ego). Do you believe me, because I loved this guy so much, and trusted him, it nearly drove me crazy? Do you understand that since I'm trying to get over this, I have developed a "Buddhophobia" (that's how I call it), because (even though I'm sure not all Buddhist or hindu or mystical people are like that, and I definitely don't mean to be rude or unfriendly to anybody because of their faith or life strategies...usually I find it interesting or just okay as long as the people are "decent" people) meaning, an aversion to all mind-stuff that tries to tell people that it't kindof a sickness or evilness if you love somebody and long to be loved, too. This Buddha idea, that life is suffering because you don't get all your wishes fulfilled, so if you don't want anything, you don't suffer. Okay, if some people don't want to feel attached to whatever, material things or human beings, so be it,..but they shouldn't tell to others that they are not as good, enlightened or whatever, because they seek attachment. ("Emancipation from the bondage of the soil is not freedom for the tree". - citation after Rabindranath Tagore) ..all these ideas, even that the world doesn't exist and is only a dream etc. These maybe nice ideas for some people, but for me they really turned into a bad trip... Okay, I don't know if you are interested in this, I rather stop now. I also wrote a huge comment on your earnest outsider clip, maybe you didn't see it yet, because it appeared later and is somewhere in between. I think your friendship with this girl sounds nice and you should try to take it easy as much as you can, sweet and easy, see what happens, have fun, explore the place and be open to her.